Freaky Junkyard
by AlwaysNotUpdating
Summary: Alonzo drives Jemima crazy and he loves annoying her. One day a magical spell goes awry and the two switch bodies! Perspective changes things, but it doesn't change your feelings for someone else, does it? Rated T for Tugger. Teen actually...
1. Drive Me Insane

**A/N: Rawrz. I've been writing serious things for awhile, if you know my writing, you know what I'm talking about. So, I decided that I needed a humorous story, but this ended up being cliche...**

**Spinoff of Freaky Friday, the movie starring Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis. Switching bodies is actually a very popular and sometimes overused idea. Hopefully my story will be funny enough that you will forget that the idea is overused.**

**Note: If this story does not make you laugh at all, please do not sue me. If anything is confusing (believe me, writing this chapter was confusing for me too), PM me and I will enlighten you*.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Cats. I do not own Freaky Friday. I do not own the Junkyard. I do not own Alonzo. I do not own a working PC anymore. I do not own an alarm clock (since I killed the last one). I do not own any humor**.**

**(Listening to: Gives You Hell by the All-American Rejects)*****

*** - Actual enlightenment will be severely limited.**

**** - Told to me by my friend.**

***** - Both of which I do not own.**

**_

* * *

Chapter 1: In which Jemima hates Alonzo, Munkustrap is confused, Old Deuteronomy makes a magic spell, and Alonzo says silly catchphrases._**

* * *

A regular day in the Junkyard consisted of: 1. Peace. 2. Silence. 3. Happiness. 4. Jellicles. 5. Slight moments of hectic cats.

Jemima, Victoria, Etcetera and Electra all sat around the T.S.E. 1 trunk in a circle while they talked about petty things in life.

"-and if he bought her an ice cream sundae I'll just die!" Etcetera howled sadly as Electra patted her paw comfortingly.

"Hiya queens", a predictably male voice spoke from somewhere.

The four kittens turned and saw a familiar, perhaps too familiar, black and white tom.

Victoria greeted him casually, "Alonzo."

"You want me to buy you an ice cream sundae, Etcetera?" Alonzo grinned and the said kitten blushed heavily.

"Let's go guys", Jemima whispered and tugger at Electra's tail.

Alonzo leapt right in front of the calico's way and teased, "What? You guys so eager to leave me?"

"You cause nothing but trouble", the calico said and pushed past him. Her three friends rolled their eyes since they were so used to the two Jellicles arguing.

The black and white tom wasn't shaken off so easily though and ran in front of her blocking her path again. Jemima's eyes narrowed and her mouth dropped into a frown as she insisted, "Let me through."

"I don't feel like it", Alonzo smirked.

"Get out of the way or else", she threatened, attempting to lace her voice with as much venom as possible, but the tom shrugged it off.

"Or else what?"

Jemima felt like screaming, but she had never screamed before in her life and was not about to start now. "Or else I'll move you out of the way!"

Alonzo smiled even wider. It was fun getting the petite calico all riled up and it showed a rougher side of her. He decided to go a little further by saying, "I don't think you could, even if you tried."

At that moment, Victoria cut in demurely, "Jemima, come back and sit with us."

"Yeah Jemima, go sit with your friends", Alonzo stuck his tongue out playfully.

Even as the calico was screaming inside her head, she obeyed Victoria and stomped back to the T.S.E. 1 car trunk. It didn't help matters that Alonzo sat with them and made random comments while they were talking.

"Tugger ran off with the needles that Jenny was using and she got _so _mad", Etcetera told them, "And then Tugger told her, 'I need them to comb my mane.'"

Everyone except Alonzo laughed at that.

"Eh, that's a horrible excuse", he muttered, since his dislike for Tugger was well-known, Etcetera didn't ask why.

"Then what would you have said?" Jemima glared at the nonchalant tom.

Alonzo looked at her in mock surprise and said, "Me?"

After a few seconds of glaring, he laughed and spoke, "I would've told Jenny that I needed the needles to to pin Jellylorum to a tree so that we could play hide and seek properly."

Now everyone but Jemima laughed.

The 6th thing that made it a regular day was: Jemima and Alonzo were still fighting.

* * *

Old Deuteronomy sat in his den waiting for his eldest son, Munkustrap, to report the going-ons of the Junkyard. When the Jellicle Protector finally arrived he gave his report. Old Deuteronomy arranged his carpet-like fur around him and briefly wondered if he could dye his fur to look more like an oriental rug. Only one thing in the long and boring report caught his attention.

"-destroyed a vase", Munkustrap ended.

"Wait, Rumplejerrie and Mungoteazer broke another vase?" Old Deuteronomy tried clarifying it.

"Uh, it's Rumpleteazer and Mungojerrie, Old Deuteronomy", the Jellicle Protector corrected.

The rug-like Jellicle waved him off, "Yes, yes. They broke another vase?"

"No, it was Alonzo and Jemima", Munkustrap said quietly.

The Jellicle Leader thought for a moment, "Alonzo and Jemima?"

"Yes, Alonzo, my second-in-command and Jemima, Demeter's sister", he answered.

"Oh them! Why did they destroy the vase?"

Munkustrap shifted his paws and said, "Well apparently, Alonzo got Jemima quite mad and she chucked a vase at his head, but either her aim was off, or Alonzo dodged it."

"Have the two of them been mates for a long time?"

The Jellicle Protector laughed at the thought and replied, "No, they're not mates at all."

"Seems like they are", Old Deuteronomy chuckled. "Well that was certainly interesting, Alonzo."

"Munkustrap", his son corrected.

"That's what I said, wasn't it?"

Munkustrap thought for a minute, "I guess."

"You can leave now", the Rug Jellicle dismissed his son.

* * *

_Later_

"So the names were Alonma and Jemizo", Old Deuteronomy spoke to himself. "Yes that's it."

He poured some icky green liquid into a huge stirring pot in the middle of his den. Then he took a large wooden cooking spoon and stirred it counter-clockwise. After waiting a minute or two he sprinkled purple powder inside.

"The past is near and the future passed, Alonma and Jemizo, two outclassed. Inner feelings always hidden, truth has always been forbidden. Open up and see the facts, maybe then we will all relax", Old Deuteronomy chanted while stirring the pot clockwise.

"Find your love for one another, queen and tom and not some other. Together until time ends, and always be the best of friends", he finished. Then he raised his arms as the potion bubbled dangerously. Suddenly the pot disappeared in a cloud of smoke and the Jellicle Leader whispered, "My offer has been taken away and now my spell will become true."

* * *

The next morning it seemed like another regular day at the Junkyard and all went well until one particular Jellicle woke up.

_It's so bright. I don't recall opening the curtains last night, _Jemima thought sleepily.

"Ugh", she groaned as she stood up and walked towards the bright, blinding light. Slowly she closed the curtains as she realized it wasn't her den.

Jemima looked around and spoke aloud, "This looks like Alonzo's den, why am I in here?"

There was a mirror on the side and as she walked passed it, she saw a flash of black and white. Quickly, she turned around and said, "Who's there?"

After she was sure it was absolutely silent, she turned towards the mirror again, wondering what was wrong with it. Well it belonged to Alonzo, that was one thing wrong already.

Suddenly a piercing scream could be heard throughout the Junkyard and all the crows flew away in fright. What was the cause? Jemima had looked into the mirror and her own reflection was Alonzo! Looking down at her paws and arms, she realized that she did indeed look exactly like Alonzo.

"Oh, Everlasting Cat!"

* * *

On the other side of the Junkyard, Alonzo was woken up by a horrendous scream and briefly wondered what it was. As he sat up and groaned he found himself in the Queen's Dens, where the queens slept. What was he doing there? He didn't remember following any queens last night.

"Hey Jemi", Etcetera's head popped through the doorway and spoke to him. Or at least it looked like it was directed towards him.

Alonzo rubbed his eyes and looked around trying to see where Jemima was. Maybe she had kidnapped him.

"Where's Jemima?" He asked Etcetera.

The excitable kitten laughed and said, "That's a funny one!"

"What's so funny?"

"Pretending to not know where you are", Etcetera laughed harder. "Oh you crack me up, Jemi. I'll be at breakfast, okay?"

Alonzo was terribly confused and ran to the nearest mirror to see if he had something like, "I am Jemima", written on his forehead. Instead, he was very much surprised to see Jemima staring back at him. He moved his right paw to the left and the "Mirror Jemima" did the same, but in the opposite direction. Alonzo jumped up and so did, "Mirror Jemima". He looked down at his paws and arms. They were the wrong color.

"Whoa, Holy Cheese and Rice."

* * *

Jemima (in Alonzo's body) ran towards the Queen's Dens in a hurry, wondering what had happened to her body. Just at that moment, Alonzo (in Jemima's body) ran out thinking the same thing. The two collided and fell to the ground. Almost immediately the two dragged each other to a more private clearing.

"Who are you and what have you done to my body?" Jemima demanded to herself....if that made sense.

The fake Jemima looked at her and said, "It's me, Alonzo. Uh...I think we may have switched bodies."

"Switched bodies?!"

"Well it's logical, I think. You're in my body and I'm in yours", the fake Jemima, or Alonzo, explained.

The real Jemima or, the fake Alonzo yelled, "Logical? How is this logical?!"

"Calm down", Alonzo said, which was starting to creep her out. It was Alonzo's voice coming from her mouth.

"Calm down?! Calm down!?!%!#~"

"Shhh!"

"How can I calm down!?" Jemima, or rather, Alonzo was screaming.

Alonzo, or rather, Jemima, covered her/his mouth.

"We can't let anyone find out, okay? So from now on, you're Alonzo and I'm Jemima", Alonzo spoke slowly.

Jemima shook her (his) head and said, "This is so messed up!"

"And Holy Tacos and Whipped Cream!"

"What? And tacos and whipped cream? What the?" Jemima gave Alonzo a weird look.

"The Jellicle Ball is in a week", Alonzo shouted. "I don't know your parts and you don't know mine!"

The calico's (well Alonzo's) eyes widened and she hissed, "You think we're gonna be stuck like this for that long?"

Simultaneously the two looked at each other and said, "We need to find out what happened and who caused this!"

...

"That was creepy", the fake Jemima (Alonzo) said.

**

* * *

A/N: I dee kay (idk) what happened to me. Hopefully some kind person will take pity on me and read this story and review. :D -wink, wink, hint, hint-**

**My new policy for humoristic stories (this will ensure that I update):**

**10 or more reviewers (doubt it) = Update tomorrow.**

**6 or more reviewers = Update in 2 days.**

**4 or more reviewers = Update in 3 days.**

**2 or more reviewers = Update in 4 days.**

**1 reviewer = Update in 5 days.**

**No reviewers = Update in 7 days.**


	2. Unravel This Knot

**A/N: I know what I said about updating, but my computer crashed and I couldn't get onto fanfiction for a VERY long time. So my apologies to all my readers!**

**Note: Please bear with me, I forgot most of the story that I had planned out.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, but I do have a really nice, "Diversity" wristband.**

**(Listening to: Fire by Kasbian) I can just imagine Alonzo dancing to this song. :)**

**To my reviewers:**

**To Evanne Taylor: Thanks so much for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it! Yes, it's still their own voices, so Alonzo sounds like Alonzo while looking like Jemima. Kind of confusing, but there you have it.**

**To Roselna: Sort of late, but congrats on the superbowl win! Thanks for reading, and I hope you like this chapter!**

**To xx-jeni-xx: :) you're right that cliches are fun to write! Thanks so much for reading, enjoy!**

**To CATS1998: I'm glad you find it funny :) please enjoy!**

**To HopelessRomantik12: Yes M'am! Sorry it took so long. I hope you're still reading!**

**To uhhh...: Thanks for reading, I'm glad you liked the story so far and I'm sincerely sorry for confusing you! Hopefully you're not too confused to continue reading. :)**

**To Alyssa: *blushes* Thank you so much! I'm sorry the update took so long, but I hope you're still reading. Enjoy!**

**To Legolasteaserlovaa: Lol, I like Lotr too :P Hope you like this chapter as well!**

**To givetherabbitthefreakintrix: Love your username and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you!**

**_

* * *

Chapter 2: In which Jemima still hates Alonzo, Old Deuteronomy continues to surprise the author, Tantomile feels up Alonzo's face and a fake cat is let out of the bag._**

* * *

"Only Old Deuteronomy will listen to us, everyone else will think we're crazy", Jemima hissed.

At this Alonzo looked at her apprehensively, "Yeah, but he's kinda crazy too."

"Well who else will listen to us?"

Alonzo screwed up his eyes as he usually did while thinking, but in Jemima's body it looked very awkward.

"Old D, it is!"

* * *

"Hello?" Alonzo called out into the Jellicle Leader's den quietly.

"Anyone home?" Jemima added in a little louder.

"You two looking for me?" A low voice came from behind them. The two Jellicles jumped, completely startled, before turning around to see Old Deuteronomy himself.

Jemima managed to stutter, "Yes, sir."

Old Deuteronomy found it very odd indeed that Alonzo (to him it was Alonzo, but it was really Jemima on the inside) was stuttering and calling him, "sir". Recalling the spell he had cast last night, the Jellicle Leader smiled warmly. They were probably going to ask about becoming mates now.

"Ah, I know what it is you have come to talk about", Old Deuteronomy laughed and swept them into the den utterly confused. He made the two of them sit down on the carpet.

"The first thing I want you two to know is how happy I am for you guys", he chatted cordially.

Jemima and Alonzo exchanged a quick, identical confused glance. Alonzo cleared his throat and leaned forward, "You're happy for us?"

"Of course", Old Deuteronomy exclaimed, "But I just want to ask if you two are sure about this."

Alonzo's eyes darted around before he answered, "Yeah, we're pretty sure."

_Of course we're sure that we switched bodies! _

"Well have you told anyone else about this wonderful situation?" Old Deuteronomy loved how the two of them seemed so in love. Especially the murderous glare Alonzo kept shooting Jemima (actually Jemima was glaring at Alonzo).

"I wouldn't exactly call it wonderful and of course we haven't told anyone. We wanted you to be the first to know and help us, if you would", Jemima said, trying her best to be polite.

Old Deuteronomy was glad that Alonzo was becoming more polite, perhaps it was Jemima's influence over him. Love did make Jellicles crazy, Old Deuteronomy reminisced about his old days with those pretty young-

"Um, are you alright?" Alonzo asked, the old thing was out of it.

"Yes, yes. Of course I'll help you", the Jellicle Leader smiled warmly.

Alonzo coughed lightly, "Because we're not exactly delighted about the situation."

"Ah I see", the all-knowing Jellicle Leader spoke. "Well no one ever chooses to fall in love."

Jemima had been listening respectfully but at that, she began choking on air and likewise Alonzo was shocked into silence.

Old Deuteronomy continued to ramble, "We never choose who we fall in love with, but fate will lead you on the perilous and beautiful journey. When you find someone truly compatible with yourself, you should hang on and never let go."

"Uh", Alonzo stuttered, not knowing what to say exactly as Jemima was still recovering.

"Which is why", Old Deuteronomy smiled obliviously, "I'm so glad the two of you have to come to me about becoming mates."

Both of them stared at Old Deuteronomy in shock, not knowing what to do.

"That's actually not the-"

"It's okay, I understand it's all so sudden for me to tell you about life", the rug-like Jellicle laughed. Suddenly an alarm clock near him went off. _Bing!_

"Oops, it's time for my daily exfoliation", Old D laughed and left the den quite swiftly.

Jemima turned to Alonzo still stunned, "He thinks we want to become mates?"

"I guess he does."

* * *

"Well that went wonderfully", Alonzo muttered later on, "Great plan, Jemima!"

"Shut-up", Jemima grumbled sitting down, "It's not like you had a better idea."

Alonzo kicked a rock a few feet in front before sighing, "What are we going to do? The Jellicle Ball is in a few more days! We're doomed."

"Don't you think we can pull it off?"

"Pull what off?"

Jemima stood up and paced around, "We can pretend to be each other and no one will need to know."

"What if we're stuck like this forever?" Alonzo, ever the pessimist, wasn't helping much.

"Wait, the Mystical Twins should be able to help us!"

Alonzo stood up and said, "Mkay, that's a great idea, I'll be in the Queen's Dens spending some quality time with some hot queens while you visit the Mystical Twins."

As he began to leave, Jemima hooked her paw around his arm and pulled him back. She glared and said, "Oh no, you're not going anywhere near the Queen's Den today until we figure this out."

"Yes, Mother."

_Slap!_

_

* * *

_

"Coricopat", Jemima said respectfully and then turned to the other half of the Mystical Twins. "Tantomile."

Normally any sane Jellicle would've thought it odd for Alonzo to be speaking so respectfully to someone, but the Mystical Twins didn't even seem surprised.

Tantomile reached out and touched Jemima's forehead (in Alonzo's body) and whispered, "A binding spell has been wrapped around the two of you."

"Intertwining your fates", Coricopat closed his eyes and murmured.

"A lesson to be taught and learned", his female counterpart hissed.

The mystical tom shook his head, "Must be learned."

"The night of the Jellicle Ball", Tantomile placed her paw completely over Jemima's (Alonzo's) face.

"Reveals more than the Chosen One", Coricopat sighed.

* * *

"Well that certainly helped", Alonzo yawned, looking at the starry night.

Jemima shot another glare, "Don't be sarcastic, at least we know when we'll be out of this."

"We do?"

"I guess I do then", Jemima huffed, "Seriously, didn't you listen to them?"

"Yeah I did", Alonzo cut in. "How did you get what they said? It was nonsense and Tantomile was like feeling your face- my face! She was feeling my face up!"

"Oh Everlasting Cat", she groaned and sank to the floor.

Alonzo bent over and stared at his own body with Jemima inside, "Aren't you gonna tell me?"

"You don't deserve to know."

"I do too."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No."

"Yes."

"Definitely not."

"Absolutely yes."

"Totally not."

"Of course yes."

Jemima glared hard at him as he gave a stony stare back. She finally gave in, her weariness tugging at her stubbornness and groaned, "We're supposed to learn something from this ordeal and something will be revealed on the night of the Jellicle Ball. So until we learn our lesson we'll be stuck like this. Happy?"

"Well not exactly happy, I wouldn't say", Alonzo grinned. "But I get to spend time with Bombalurina now."

"Wow", Jemima muttered, shaking her head and walking away.

Alonzo stood up straight and called after her, "What did I do now?"

When she didn't answer and kept walking, he called again, "Was it something I said?"

As she walked farther and farther, Alonzo grumbled to himself, "As if I cared."

"I heard that", Jemima informed him from far off.

* * *

Jemima sighed, cursing her luck and fate. According to the Mystical Twins, she was supposed to learn something from this ordeal, but so far all she had learned was that Alonzo was unbelievably dumb.

"Agh, what have I ever done wrong?" She found herself asking the moon, a very old friend of her's.

_Maybe it's not what you've done wrong, maybe it's what you need to understand._

Jemima thought deeply for a moment before whispering, "Understand what?"

_That is the lesson to be learned._

"Why can't you just tell me?"

_You wouldn't understand if I told you._

"I'm not a child!"

A cool voice cut in, "Dear me, Alonzo seems to be talking to himself."

For a moment, Jemima didn't react, but then she realized the cool, sarcastic voice was aimed at her. _Oh yeah, I look like Alonzo._

"Uhm, hey Cassandra", Jemima tried to act normal, but then remembered Alonzo would never act that way. Deepening her voice so that she seemed more like Alonzo, she continued, "What's up?"

"What's wrong, baby?" Cassandra sauntered closer. "Your voice sounds a little weird."

Fighting the urge to run away, Jemima forced a smile and said, "Uh, I think I'm catching a cold."

"Well I know a way that can make it all better", Cassandra smiled seductively and curled her tail around Jemima's chest.

Now fighting the urge to throw up, the calico thought quickly and coughed violently, "I'm really not feeling well, perhaps I should get some rest!"

With that last word, she slipped away from the Abyssinian and scampered towards Alonzo's den.

* * *

Alonzo, meanwhile, was having a good time hanging out with the queens. By the time Jemima was being confronted by Cassandra, Alonzo had learned every single queen's crush and was very pleased to hear his name appear in the conversations.

"I really like Plato, since he's so nice", Victoria was droning on and Alonzo was nodding sympathetically while looking at her pretty face, thoughts clearly elsewhere. "But Alonzo is really hot too."

The black and white tom smirked to himself, his ego becoming larger and larger. Suddenly, Victoria was looking at him weirdly.

"Not that I would date him or anything", the white queen muttered hurriedly.

"What do you mean?" Alonzo felt the words form in his mouth and tried to stop them, but it was too late. _Damn it! Now they'll know that I'm not Jemima._

Etcetera bounced over and nearly tripped over her own clumsy feet, "Well, we know you like him, Jemi."

"What?" Alonzo concluded that you did learn something new every day, and today was a great learning opportunity.

"Well it's pretty obvious", Electra shrugged noncommittally, "Every time we see him, you look like you're about to puke all over his face, or take his face and eat it."

The rest of the queens laughed at that. The real Jemima would have blushed red as a tomato and explained, "The look means that I _do_ want to puke all over his face!"

But Alonzo was grinning widely at this. _Guess Jemima really does have the hots for me._

"Why are you grinning?" Victoria's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

The black and white tom ran a paw over his head and whispered, "I guess you caught me."

"You do like Alonzo!?!"

* * *

**A/N: Once again sorry for the wait! I may be able to have a quick update, but every time I promise that, something happens to my computer....**

**Thank you for reading, and please review. Tell me how the story can be improved, or what you liked about it, or any errors I've made.**


	3. Rage Through Life

**A/N: Believe me, I've gone through a lot to get this chapter up. Lolz. So I hope you like this chapter, or else I went through so much for nothing :p**

**Note: This chapter doesn't contain as much humor as the other chapter. Additionally, the letter "d" on my keyboard isn't working very well. So if any words are missing a letter and it happens to be "d", please forgive me.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CATS.**

**Listening to: My Grandma talking (Not a song btw, it's really my grandmother talking).**

**To my lovely reviewers:**

**To Evanne Taylor: I have no idea why you think it's funny either, but either way I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and got a few chuckles out of it. :) I hope you're still reading and enjoy this chapter.**

**To Quill of Thoughts: Of course, you'll see :p Thanks for reading and please read this chapter as well.**

**To Surise: I'm glad/surprised you think the characters are IC, in fact I felt the major flaw of this fic was that they were out of character ^_^ haha. I'm glad you read and liked my story. Hope this chapter lives up to your expectations.**

**To Olliv Lynn Sulam: Glad you thought it was hilarious. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.**

**To HanakoAnimeaddict: I hope you're referring to Alonzo and not me when you say self-centered. :) Lol, thank you for the fav and sub. I hope you like this chapter.**

**

* * *

_Chapter 3: In which Plato rambles, Jemima has anger management issues, Alonzo confesses a deep dark secret and the author runs out of things to say._  
**

* * *

Rumors spread like wildfire and in the Junkyard it was no different. By morning there wasn't a single Jellicle who didn't know what Alonzo (in Jemima's body) had told the queens the night before. That happened to include a certain black and white tom (who was really Jemima).

Imagine Jemima's surprise when a gleeful Plato had bounced into Alonzo's den and began to spout the most ridiculous things.

"Aw. Em. Gee. You will not believe what I just heard!" Plato burst into Alonzo's den while Jemima (still stuck in Alonzo's body) was beginning to wake up.

Jemima screamed and then lowered her voice an octave, "Uhm, Plato, what brings you here?"

"Wow very manly yelp there, Alonzo", the tom grinned predictably and continued, "Anyway, don't you want to know what I heard?"

In Alonzo's body, Jemima rolled her eyes and thought, "It's not like you hear important stuff."

"Shoot", Jemima waved her hand and almost whacked Plato. _Ugh! I'm not used to having long limbs._

Plato's face lit up as he related, "This morning I was walking by myself without a queen to keep me company and decided to go to the pond, since it's Spring, you know? The pond has lots of flowering buds this time of the year and it's really quite beautiful. I thought that I could get a nice rose or water lily to give to Victoria and stuff. But when I got there, I thought to myself, 'Plato, old tom, Victoria doesn't like flowers. Probably every poor sap gives her one and so I began to scheme on how-"

At which point, Jemima gave him a blank look as he rambled on and on about something not related to hearing something at all. Her jaw began to ease open slowly and her eyelids drooped down.

WHACK!

"GET TO THE POINT!" Jemima yelled at the rambling and now cowering tom.

"Geez, Alonzo", Plato whimpered, "What's got your ears in a twist?"

_You have my ears in a twist, you rambling idiot!_

Jemima began to take deep breaths to calm herself down and finally she regained her composure. She lowered her voice to sound more like Alonzo's and said, "Please get to the point of your story, because I'd like to hear what's going on before I die."

"Everlasting Cat, you don't have much patience today", Plato rubbed the spot on his head where she had whacked him. "Almost like a queen."

Jemima (in Alonzo's body of course) glared daggers at the tom.

"Alright, alright", Plato waved the glare off. "I heard from Demeter, who heard it from Tumblebrutus, who heard it from Exotica, who heard it from Cassandra, who heard it from Pouncival, who heard it from Munkustrap, who of course heard it from Coricopat, who heard it from-"

"Enough! What did you hear from all of them?"

"Man, impatient much?" The tom shook his head mockingly and sighed, "Very well."

Plato leaned forward as if increasing the suspense and whispered, "Jemima admitted to a few queens last night that she has a major crush on...you, Alonzo!"

Alonzo (really Jemima) had been drinking some water to ease the pain in her head, but at the last statement he (she) spat out all the water onto Plato.

"What?"

* * *

Meanwhile, as Plato was getting the crap beaten out of him in Alonzo's den, the real Alonzo was having a blast hanging out with the beautiful queens.

Electra had curled her tail around Jemima (Alonzo inside) and Victoria was leaning on her (his) shoulder. Content with his position, Alonzo was talking amiably with them.

"So why is it that you like Alonzo, Miss Jemima?" Electra smiled back at him.

Alonzo cleared his throat and began to answer in what he thought was the most accurate impression of Jemima, "Well, Electra, my kind and beautiful friend, Alonzo just has the dreamiest eyes and his build is soooo manly."

Victoria laughed at this statement and replied quickly, "C'mon Jemima, I want to know the real reason."

The calico (really Alonzo) gazed at Victoria and giggled, "Victoria, my amazing and equally beautiful friend, it's just that Alonzo is really funny and has some nice dance moves."

"Plato's funny and he has some really hot dance moves", the pure white queen countered, "But you don't like him as well."

"That's because Plato is a friggen idiot", a new voice joined in the conversation.

Three heads turned simultaneously towards the opening of the Queen's Den. As if speaking of the Devil, Alonzo (Jemima of course) had arrived and he (she) looked absolutely livid.

"You", Jemima seethed, pointing at Alonzo, who was in her body. "You, come with me. Now."

"If you want to declare your undying love for me, Alonzo", Alonzo, in Jemima's body, said dramatically, "You can say in front of everyone else."

"ARGHHHH!"

Victoria and Electra were so shocked, their eyes widened beyond disbelief.

"You're coming with me, or I will kill you, so help me Everlasting Cat", Jemima growled.

Alonzo rubbed his head bashfully, "Sheesh, if you want me so much you could be at least a bit polite about it."

Jemima grabbed herself (Alonzo) by the scruff of her neck and dragged her own body out of the den.

* * *

"You", Jemima pointed at him, still seething, "Explain. Now."

"Explain what? In case you didn't notice, you were the one to rudely interrupt my pleasant conversation with two beautiful queens and drag me here to yell at me." Alonzo shrugged his shoulders and raised his eyebrows looking at her critically.

Jemima grabbed Alonzo roughly and pulled him closer to her as she hissed, "You. Freaking. Imbecile!"

"And now you insult me with no basis", Alonzo sighed wearily. "Do you know how much tolerance I have had to build up for this?"

The black and white tom (Jemima) pushed the calico (Alonzo) away and stonily answered, "I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else from a tom like you."

"A tom like me, what do you mean?"

"But I swear to you", Jemima's eyes narrowed dangerously as she ignored his question. "Everything you have done to me, I will return ten-fold. You will regret this day, Alonzo!"

* * *

At midday the Junkyard was still abuzz with rumors. Munkustrap approached an idling Jemima (who he believed was Alonzo) and grabbed her by the shoulder brutally. He pulled her away from the spot where she had been sitting and towards a seclusive area.

"What the hell do you think you were doing, Alonzo?" The Jellicle Protector had a stern gaze directed at the black and white tom.

Jemima's mind drew a blank as she stuttered, "Uh..w-what?"

"You dragged poor Jemima out of her den while yelling and raging. I have eyewitnesses that say you dragged her off to some place and hit her, pushed her and insulted her. You did this all after knowing the poor calico has a crush on you", Munkustrap intoned. "You're like a brother to me, Alonzo, but I cannot accept the way you treated Jemima, a queen, like this. Alonzo, you should be ashamed of yourself. Don't you know how lucky you are to have such a beautiful and kind queen chase after you?"

_I guess it really would seem like Alonzo had mistreated me._ Jemima's devious mind began to calculate as she recalled her words earlier in the day.

_"Everything you have done to me, I will return ten-fold. You will regret this day, Alonzo!"_

"Oh Munkustrap", Jemima fell onto the tom's chest and began to sob weakly.

The Jellicle Protector was completely caught off guard at this and awkwardly patted Jemima's head, "Uhm, there there, Alonzo."

"I'm so sorry", Jemima sobbed, being quite the actress, "It's just that being around beautiful queens makes me insecure."

The two stayed like that for awhile until Jemima broke the silence, "Munkustrap, it's because..."

"Because what?"

"It's because...I think I'm gay", Jemima inwardly smirked.

The Jellicle Protector hurriedly pushed Alonzo (Jemima still) away in shock and sputtered, "You think you're gay?"

"Oh Munkustrap", she rushed forward in attempt to hug the striped tabby, "I don't know what to do. Will you accept me?"

Munkustrap yelped and ran off before she could even touch him.

When Jemima was confident that Munkustrap and all other Jellicles were out of earshot, she began to chuckle and sighed, "Oh, Alonzo, I always keep my word."

* * *

By night fall, it was Alonzo's turn to rage and seethe over words and actions not said or done by him, but causing his name to be tarnished all the same. When he did as Jemima had, and rushed to his own den, he was surprised to see Jemima inside the den playing with her own (Alonzo's) tail.

"Jemima, what is the meaning of this?"

Jemima looked up, her eyes hooded and whispered, "I'm here in your den."

"I noticed", Alonzo's voice had turned cold. "Why did you spread rumors about me?"

The black and white tom who was really Jemima stood up with indignation and huffed, "Why did you spread them about me?"

"I didn't", Alonzo protested, "I merely let the truth out."

"What truth? That I like you?" Jemima laughed with contempt, "Ha! As if I would ever like someone as self-centered, arrogant and immature as Alonzo the 'Great'".

"Well if you don't like me, you don't have to say it like that", Alonzo said loftily. "Alright I get it. I'm sorry, okay?"

Jemima snorted and answered, "Yeah, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry you're so blind to everyone and everything else."

"Still, Jemima", Alonzo confronted her. "Even if I was in the wrong, you still had no right to tell people that I am gay, something you know I'm not."

"Who knows? You act like it."

Alonzo grabbed her arm and pulled her to face him, "Jemima, two wrongs don't make a right."

"That first wrong doesn't make a right either, Alonzo", she spat in his face. "You seem to be placing the blame on me. I merely returned the favor, it's not so surprising is it?"

"Listen, since we switched bodies, it hasn't been easy for either of us", Alonzo shrugged. "We should be working together, not arguing and causing each other problems."

"You're right, and I second that thought. We should, but just because we should, doesn't mean we have to. From now on stay away from me and I'll stay away from you", Jemima glared. "Now that we've worked things out, please leave the den so I can pretend to be a certain pompous jerk-face."

The calico who was at heart, merely Alonzo, turned his glassy eyes away and said, "Very well, and I'll go back to the Queen's Den and pretend to be a certain unreasonable, yet very beautiful queen."

As Alonzo left, Jemima's heart stood still. _I insulted him and refused his apology. Of course I was being unreasonable_, _but he wasn't much better before. Yet, he called me a beautiful queen._

"Why?"

* * *

**Ending A/N: Thank you so much for reading this little ficcy. If you have any comments/questions/compliments/flames, please leave a review. :) I'd be very grateful for any input.  
**


	4. Craziness Is Contagious

**A/N: Sorry! I know it's been over a year since I last updated. Not going to make excuses. Don't even know if anyone will read this :P**

**Thanks to all the reviewers, this update was made possible with your support.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CATS.**

**(Listening to: Hero by Skillet)**

* * *

**_Chapter 4: In which Tumblebrutus tries to teach spelling, _****_Jemima gets her rock on, _**Alonzo fails to catwalk (HA! PUN!) and everyone wants Jemi.

* * *

"Listen Jemima", Alonzo sat down in his own den (still in the calico's body), "I know you're angry at me but how about we call it even?"

For some reason the particular question irked Jemima, "I don't play to get even!"

She spun around and advanced on Alonzo (her own body) and poked him in the chest after each syllable emphasizing her message, "I. Play. To. Win."

Alonzo gulped, but just backed himself against the wall hoping to disappear. Jemima leaned forward, in his body she was able to tower over him, in her body.

"Enjoying literally looking down on others for once?" The black and white tom teased lightheartedly earning a low snarl from Jemima.

So lost in their intense staredown, neither of them noticed a certain Abyssinian slinking into the room.

"Hope I'm not interrupting", the familiar cool voice cut through the silence. Alonzo whipped his head towards the voice, a little surprised. Jemima, on the other hand, didn't move at all.

"Sweet little Jemima", Cassandra mocked towards Alonzo (in Jemima's body), "What's with the guilty look in your eyes?"

Alonzo was slightly horrified for two reasons. 1. Cassandra had caught him feeling guilty, which was something he just didn't do. 2. She thought he was a _queen_. Given the circumstances he was only slightly offended, but still it had dealt his ego a blow.

"Uh...", was all Alonzo managed to stammer out. Jemima (in his body) seemed to snap out of her reverie and turned to look at Cassandra with an unreadable expression on her face.

To Cassandra it was quite clear, Jemima was guilty for whatever reasons and Alonzo wasn't apologizing or making excuses.

"Look Lonze, we weren't exclusive so I get it. I finally understand why you've been acting so weird lately, but you should've said something", the Abyssinian frowned.

"This isn't what you think it is, Cass", Alonzo stumbled over his tongue, momentarily forgetting that he wasn't in his own body.

To his surprise she chuckled lowly, "Since when did _you_ start calling me Cass? And don't worry your little head, Jemi, I don't deal with all that drama. I couldn't care less about your guilty feelings."

Cassandra turned to leave and waved a little goodbye with her tail, "Have fun, kids."

* * *

Following Cassandra's departure, the silence in the den overwhelmed both of them. Jemima backed away from Alonzo still with a blank look gracing her features.

"I'm sorry", she said meekly, her softer side coming back into play, "I should've said something."

The black and white tom looked at her with one eyebrow raised and suddenly scowled, "What's with this shy and quiet thing? It doesn't suit you, Jemima."

She looked up and caught his questioning gaze. He grimaced, "Forget it, Cassandra and I will always be friends. It's no big deal."

"Alonzo..."

He sighed heavily.

"The Jellicle Ball is in five days", it might've been just him, but Alonzo could've sworn she had been about to say something else. Jemima expanded on that one statement, "We should start working on teaching each other our parts."

"Ugh, too much effort."

Jemima stalked out of the den making sure she whacked him in the face with her tail mid step.

"Don't hit me with my own tail."

* * *

Plato and Tumblebrutus were chilling in the back alleys drinking some high quality milk. Etcetera and Victoria happened to cross paths with them while they were taking a brisk walk.

"Hey there Vickster!" Plato called out to the pure white queen with excitement and waved the two queens over.

Etcetera bounded over to the old cart that they were resting on and exclaimed, "Hey Plato and Tumble!"

In sharp contrast, Victoria stepped delicately towards them lost in thought. Plato waved a paw in front of Victoria's face and sing songed, "Earth to Vic-tor-i-ahhhhh!"

Her head snapped up and she smiled sheepishly, "Sorry guys, hi!"

Tumblebrutus looked at her with concern, "Something wrong?"

But just as Victoria was about to voice her thoughts, Plato cut in, "Vicki! Apparently Jemi and Lonzo are an ITEM now!"

The pure white queen gaped at him as Etcetera squealed, "Ohmygosh! They are sooooo cute!"

Plato grabbed Etcetera's shoulders and gasped, "I know right? They are too cute! C-O-O-T!"

Both Victoria and Tumblebrutus sweat dropped. Tumble was about to correct Plato, "I believe it's spelled c-u-"

"They should have an adorable couple name like Dramione", Etcetera jumped up and down with vigor.

"Dra- what?"

Plato joined Etcetera in her weird hopping dance and whooped, "Totally! They can be Jemonzo or...or Alemi!"

Tumblebrutus face palmed and groaned, "Why me?"

"IMAGINE THEIR BABIES!"

"Oh...em...geeeeee, their babies would be soooooo cute and lovable!"

"They would have Jemima's humungo eyes and Alonzo's black and white fur and-"

Victoria gestured to Tumble with her paw and the two of them left Plato and Etcetera to fangirl over Jemima and Alonzo's babies.

"They certainly do get worked up over nothing" Tumble mused with a small smile.

The white queen laughed, her laughter like the sound of pealing bells, "You don't suppose Jemi and Alonzo are actually together now, do you?"

Tumblebrutus looked thoughtful, "They do have a sort of chemistry, but I kind of doubt they'd get over the fooling around and proceed to an actual relationship."

The two continued to walk back towards the Junkyard in silence, pondering about a variety of issues.

"Isn't that them?" Tumble pointed towards a clearing to their left. Both of them were shocked by the sight that met their eyes.

* * *

Jemima and Alonzo been practicing their dance moves and song lyrics for a couple of hours now and were thoroughly exhausted. The calico, still in the black and white tom's body, lay down on the green grass and looked at the bright blue sky. The situation could've passed as peaceful, but the issue at hand was nagging at her head. What exactly was going to happen on the night of the Jellicle Ball? What was this mysterious lesson that they both had to learn? How did Old Deuteronomy become Jellicle Leader with his terrible leadership skills? Why are baby kangaroos called joeys?

Still standing, Alonzo took the chance to look at her. It was a familiar sight, as it used to be his own body, but there was something off that he couldn't quite put his finger on. His eyes never shone the way they were now. He looked towards the sky as well, wondering what she was seeing in the floating clouds. After awhile he couldn't fathom what was so interesting about the expanse of free sky and turned towards her, surprised to see that she was staring right back at him.

"Like what you see?" He grinned irresistibly (at least that was what other queens had told him).

Jemima caught him off guard as she giggled, "That's my own body, you fool."

The black and white tom continued to smile and replied in a girly voice, "Then how about them poses?"

He begin to do a series of poses he dimly recalled seeing in a Catmopolitan magazine. Jemima sat up and started to outright laugh, something she hadn't done in awhile. Alonzo continued posing and puckering his lips before collapsing into hysterical laughter with the calico.

"You looked hilarious", Jemima managed to choke through her snickering.

"I bet those poses really flattered your image", he looked up at her and winked.

"Ugh", she scowled, "How can you go from not bad to absolutely incorrigible within seconds?"

Alonzo looked at her carefully, "It's a talent I have."

He leaned towards her suddenly with an intense look. Jemima's breath caught in her throat, but she was scared of the implications and turned away.

"I just remembered, I have to talk to Tantomile about something", she said and stood up. "See you later."

The black and white tom swiped at the grass in frustration as she left him behind alone in the grassy clearing.

* * *

"Interesting", Tumblebrutus commented.

Victoria bit back a laugh, "It seems Jemima really has fallen for Alonzo. If Alonzo hadn't chickened out there, I bet we would've seen some lip action."

At "lip action" the white queen waggled her eyebrows suggestively. Tumble burst out laughing.

Victoria giggled along with him, "Oh dear, I just sounded too much like Plato for my liking."

"And here the gossip was having me think that you were into Plato", Tumble teased.

"Tumblebrutus listens to gossip?" Two could play a game, Victoria pretended to be aghast. Tumblebrutus made a face at her.

They stood still just smiling at each other until she softly said, "I'm not into Plato anymore. He's a great friend but we're not a good match."

"Oh, sorry about that."

The silence became awkward and the two fidgeted, neither knowing what to say. Tumblebrutus' face lit up as he turned to her with a surprisingly bright smile, "I'll race you back to the Junkyard."

Before she could answer he had taken off.

...

"Cheater!"

* * *

"I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation!"

Jemima jumped around strumming her air guitar and headbanging to the beat.

"Never said I wanted to improve my station!"

She took to air drums and hit the imaginary cymbals hard.

"A girl can do what she wants to do and that's what I'm gonna do!"

The calico yowled at the top of her voice.

"And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation! You're living in the past it's a new-"

Jemima abruptly stopped as she heard a distinct voice join in with the song.

"-generation! Oh no, not me. Oh no, not me. I don't give a damn about my bad reputation!"

The calico gave a genuine smile and without thinking pulled the singer into a tight hug. "Victoria, I've missed you."

Victoria and Jemima weren't exactly the best of friends, but still generally got along. However, it seemed like an eternity had passed since she had seen the white queen.

"Uh, what are you doing, Alonzo?"

Jemima's eyes widened..._oh crap..._

"Oh, uh, sorry", she stammered, "Got caught up in the heat of the song."

Victoria laughed it off, "Yeah, Bad Reputation, Joan Jett, 1981."

"Nice memory", Jemima answered with a grin.

"What other music do you like, Alonzo?"

"Oh there's too many to list!"

They both laughed. The snow white queen insisted, "Just name a few."

"Well there's The Fray, Three Days Grace, Taylor Swift, Hawthorne Heights, AFI, Joan Jett of course, Lenka, Lady Gaga, Avril Lavigne-"

She stopped to take a breathe and Victoria interrupted, "Whoa slow down there, boy. You have great taste in artists! I absolutely adore The Fray."

* * *

Alonzo hadn't moved from his spot in the clearing. He looked up at the night sky, blinking slowly and thinking over the events of the day.

_Was I about to kiss her?_

_What the mushrooms was I thinking when I leaned in?_

_She didn't want to kiss me. _

_She ran away._

_I disgust her that much._

"Wait", Alonzo voiced his thoughts, sitting up, "Why do I care what she thinks of me? Hey, if she doesn't want a piece of me that's her loss."

_You care._

"Shut up. Jemima's never had a thing for me."

_But have you ever had a thing for her?_

"No. It's always been Cass or Bomba."

_Ah, but you never pursued a relationship with either of them._

"Heck no. Don't want to be tied down."

After a moment of silence, Alonzo groaned, "Oh great I'm talking to myself now."

* * *

Victoria was having a blast with Alonzo and didn't understand how he could act so differently when in the presence of other cats.

Jemima had trouble just relaxing and having fun with Victoria, as she had to constantly keep her guard up and pretend to be Alonzo.

"Have you ever gone to any music concerts?" Victoria danced around the den to The Ready Set.

The calico laughed, "Nope."

"Didn't you go on that trip to Scotland a few years ago? Seriously no concerts?"

Vaguely recalling that Alonzo had been on a trip to Scotland awhile ago, Jemima hoped she had the right answer, "Not much excitement in Scotland."

"Don't let Rumple or Mungo hear you say that!"

Jemima laughed and tried to think of a comment that would sound suitably like Alonzo, "I don't care what they think of me."

The comment took Victoria off guard, it was nonchalant, a bit arrogant and yet, refreshing. Who was this transformed tom in front of her? Certainly not the immature and flirty tom that pissed Jemi off so much. He spoke with a soft confidence and was able to carry a conversation with her easily. He hadn't made any inappropriate comments and answered her questions with an admirable amount of honesty ("You LIKE Avril Lavigne?" "Yes...yes I do." "Never thought I'd hear any tom say that.").

_I miss having someone always there for me._

Noticing that Victoria's face had suddenly become quite sullen, Jemima feared she had said something wrong and put an arm around her shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

_Oh my Everlasting Cat, he's sensitive too!_

Suddenly the white queen burst into tears shocking the calico. Unsure of what to say, Jemima just reassuringly pat her on the back. Victoria suddenly leaned towards her and hesitated.

Realizing what her friend was debating, Jemima nervously rolled over her side. She stuttered, "Oh it's getting late."

Victoria got up and yelled, "What the chipotle, Alonzo? You're supposed to be the easiest tom since Tugger! First you turn down Jemi and now me. What is wrong with you?"

"I..er...have to go", Jemima backed away and then ran out of the den forgetting it was her own den now.

The white queen kicked a pillow in the den, "ARGH I NEED ICE CREAM!"

* * *

**Ending A/N: Thanks for reading, please review, don't be shy :D I don't bite, usually. Will try to get another chapter up soonish. blush.**


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